Caïn by Henri Vidal, Tuileries Garden, Paris, 1896
Egad. So it’s old news for some of you, but the Air Force denied my separation request, after months of fear-mongering and busting deadlines. It’s been a huge fiasco.
It’s one less thing to be anxious about, and I’ll take it as a blessing. With 2 special needs kids, it’s nice to have somewhat more stable employment.
I enjoyed job searching. It really hurt to write the company I had gotten to salary negotiations with and say “Hey guys, nevermind”. It hurt to change my LinkedIn back to “not actively jobseeking” mode.
However, I learned that with the help of some awesome people, I can write a killer resume, I can crush interviews, and I have the education, skills, training, experience and personality to be marketable and sought as an asset by companies. This is a good thing, and I’ll keep those skills filed away until I need them.
So, I now have to transition back into the life I still have, instead of the one I was creating. This is going to be tough. For months now, I’ve kept people at arms length. I’ve phased myself out of church activities, and I haven’t gotten involved in new things because I’ve felt like a transient. I’m here. I’m a loyal person, and I have skills to offer. I have great opportunities, and I’ve squandered them, because I didn’t want people to invest in me because I thought I’d be leaving.
I haven’t posted in 3 weeks because, to be honest, I was down after finding out that I would stay here and keep doing what I’m doing. I did a lot of dreaming and scheming, and felt deflated after it all, and found little joy in anything. I was struggling to keep it together at work, and it was a tense few weeks in our home.
But I’m here.