Transition, Part III

 Caïn by Henri Vidal, Tuileries Garden, Paris, 1896

 

Egad.  So it’s old news for some of you, but the Air Force denied my separation request, after months of fear-mongering and busting deadlines.  It’s been a huge fiasco.

It’s one less thing to be anxious about, and I’ll take it as a blessing. With 2 special needs kids, it’s nice to have somewhat more stable employment.

I enjoyed job searching. It really hurt to write the company  I had gotten to salary negotiations with and say “Hey guys, nevermind”.  It hurt to change my LinkedIn back to “not actively jobseeking” mode.

However, I learned that with the help of some awesome people, I can write a killer resume, I can crush interviews, and I have the education, skills, training, experience and personality to be marketable and sought as an asset by companies.  This is a good thing, and I’ll keep those skills filed away until I need them.

So, I now have to transition back into the life I still have, instead of the one I was creating. This is going to be tough.  For months now, I’ve kept people at arms length.  I’ve phased myself out of church activities, and I haven’t gotten involved in new things because I’ve felt like a transient. I’m here.  I’m a loyal person, and I have skills to offer.  I have great opportunities, and I’ve squandered them, because I didn’t want people to invest in me because I thought I’d be leaving.

But I’m here. I don’t know for how long, but this is my home. Crossroads is my church,  The Jiu Jitsu Institute is my academy, Link is my favorite local community organization, and this is my blog.

I haven’t posted in 3 weeks because, to be honest, I was down after finding out that I would stay here and keep doing what I’m doing. I did a lot of dreaming and scheming, and felt deflated after it all, and found little joy in anything.  I was struggling to keep it together at work, and it was a tense few weeks in our home.

But I’m here.

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