I struggle with communion, and haven’t taken it for about a year. It’s not that I find it unbiblical, or bad theology, or unnecessary pageantry/ritual. I like the idea of a communal, unifying act. It’s one of the few things most Christian congregations observe that comes directly from words and behavior attributed to Jesus (like loving poor people) rather than our cultural baggage filtered through a biblically liberal 21st Century (but at times feeling more 19th Century) Evangelical lens (like freaking out about gay people but remaining largely silent regarding the commercialization of religion, pervasive institutional racism, sexism, divorce, or environmental stewardship).
I haven’t figured out what it is about observing the Lord’s Supper that gives me pause. I don’t think that my issue is that I don’t “believe” in communion. I’m hoping this writing will help me sift through it all. I also hope I’m not just being a stubborn ass-in the past that’s been the simple answer.
Part of me wants to just shut up, get I line, take communion, and be done with it. If I am regularly attend a church’s services, I am submitting to the leadership of the minister and staff. I walked in to their thing, and I should follow them, unless they’re obviously super wrong. That’s not been my experience in the last several places we’ve worshipped.
EDIT: I wrote the above portion of text last week. This past Sunday I did take communion. On my way down the aisle, I prayed about my stubbornness, my rebellious smartassness. I prayed to get over myself. These parts of myself have been beneficial, such as not tolerating bullshit or in fighting with medical personnel for Paloma’s care, but I was ready to let go of it, to slay my ego. It have It appears to have worked-communion was a good experience. There’s still something weird about it for me, but I can move forward without knowing everything inside and out. I can have space for mysteries. Perhaps I’ll eventually be able to derive comfort from not knowing, from Universal insignificance. I can not know and it won’t matter. Perhaps I can live in the present moment and not in my own head all the time, and routinely enjoy taking communion.