Aside

Forward motion

Things are finally settling after our move- I feel like I’ve regained a sense of equilibrium and ritual.

In March, I got serious about wanting to live better. I sought professional help for my depression and PTSD. I’ve done a few counseling sessions and started medication, which has helped tremendously. I debated whether or not to share this, but I got help after being advised to do so by people who have shared their struggles with me. I feel I can do more help sharing, kind of like a mental health bodhisattva. I feel more resilient, but that is also due to getting more sleep at night and having better self-care habits.

We took a trip, driving to Portland and then flying to Hawaii. We started out trip to PDX the day after my blog post about communion. A friend posted a comment about the beauty of communion residing in the mystery. Right as I got the comment notification, we were driving through the rolling scrub hills of Eastern Idaho, and the song “Ride Captain Ride” by The Blues Image came on the radio. The refrain was:

“Ride, captain ride
Upon your mystery ship,
Be amazed at the friends
You have here on your trip.
Ride captain ride
Upon your mystery ship,
On your way to a world
That others might have missed.”

I enjoyed both destinations tremendously. I had not been home to Hawaii since 2007, so my dad had not met the youngest 2 of my little punks. We spent a lot of time with family. I wish we had done more with friends, but we were able to connect with a few people that are very important to us, and that was nice.It was a very restful trip for the most part, save for a little scare toward the end.

Iconic North Shore sign

Iconic North Shore sign

Saimin. Like ramen, but a different experience. My soul has been aching for this for about 5 years.

Saimin. Like ramen, but a different experience. My soul has been aching for this for about 5 years.

I painted a mural in middle school, it's still there

I painted a mural in middle school, it’s still there

Swirling bamboo thicket

Swirling bamboo thicket

Valley of the Temple, in memorial park where my grandparents are buried

Valley of the Temple, in memorial park where my grandparents are buried

And we’ve been back in Utah for about a month. Our garden is planted, our chickens are almost ready to go out to the coop, things are falling in place. I’ve started a small business and a jiu jitsu club. I skateboard and spend time in the sun, even if it’s grilling in my backyard with my shirt off. We have fun and make stuff, instead of just consuming all the time.

I am grateful. I can honestly say I feel at peace. I’m not ensnared by comfort, but it’s nice to have a little comfort after a rough years of pain and stagnation. I am present, fully alive, and feeling the momentum of forward motion.

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