Life is exhausting. I never get enough sleep, and I come home from work numb. Sometimes I have been challenged, and seized opportunities to make things better. This is rare. Most days are spent drinking too much coffee, sending email, and updating various reports and spreadsheets, which are to be emailed. While doing so I feel like I’m
wasting investing my youth.
I am tired, and I spent the last hour goofing off on Facebook. I squandered an opportunity to write or read or draw or do yoga or run or sleep which I will never get back.
Life is finite. There are only so many sunsets I can watch, or times I can make the baby laugh with her whole body. I need to remember this. Rest is important, but so are time management and priorities.
I changed my major (again) and school. I went from Emergency/Environmental Management to Creative Writing. I am excited, and looking forward to learning the craft. I will produce a terrifying amount of substandard work. This does not dissuade me. Jiu Jitsu has taught me that it’s okay to suck if you’re a beginner, in fact, you’re supposed to, but if you stay a beginner you will keep getting hurt. If you apply yourself and keep showing up, it will eventually get better for you.
Speaking of bjj, the club I started at work is going well. I can’t always make the sessions, but there’s a growing group that is consistently turning out. We get together at 6am, which is early, but I need more mat time, and I’m going to hustle to make it work.
Lindsay is going back to school after a hiatus, too. She’s farther along than I am in pursuing education, and I could not make this happen without her support. All things considered, it may seem crazy to voluntarily take on extra stress right now, but, you know, YOLO.
For the first time in a long time, I am genuinely, consistently happy. My body protests, but I feel generally well. I earned a promotion at work, and I feel ready for the increased responsibilities. I am resilient, and ready to keep going, so I will. I just hope I remember to not self-sabotage by wasting time, which is the most precious resource we have.