I’ve been preoccupied lately, and haven’t been exercising. At first this was from a back injury, then, to be honest, I just straight up didn’t feel like it. I have a lot of changes in progress and to come. I have been neglecting my health, and I’ve put on weight. I have not been watching what I eat.
I’ve put on weight.
Lindsay has remarked on it, and it felt like nagging at the time.
Last week I was traveling for business, and ate out for every meal. There was an oddly-placed mirror in my hotel room, and I caught a frontal view of myself on the toilet, bad fluorescent light and all.
It would be an understatement to say I did not like what I saw. I’m glad I was level-headed enough at that moment to not descend into self-loathing. I take responsibility, and it’s my responsibility to fix it. I’ve always had
body image issues a complicated relationship with my body, but this was different-there was a legitimate problem. In addition to being fatter (why dance around it?), I looked tired, my face was red and splotchy, and I seemed a few years older than I am. My face was bloated. It all came rushing back- the skipped workouts, the unplanned lunches, the excuses.
The day after I came back, I started a diet. Nothing crazy, a little portion control, mild carb control, more whole foods-mostly vegetables. I start the day juicing (3 carrots, 3 stalks celery, ginger, 1/2 cucumber, apple/pear, yields about 16oz juice) and scrambled eggs. I have a HUGE salad for lunch (except Sunday-we eat lunch at church). If I get hungry between lunch and late afternoon, I’ll do a grassfed whey protein shake. Dinner is veggie heavy. We don’t really do desert, and I drank 1 beer on Sunday night, my first since Wednesday. I’m also drinking a gallon of water a day, which is getting easier.
I know from experience that if I am not crazy strict about my diet, it will be easier to follow. I won’t get the same results as, say, a raw vegan plan, but that’s not my goal. I want to eat better so I can live better.
I haven’t started exercising again yet (tomorrow), but holy crap- I feel great! I’m peeing a lot (A LOT!), but it’s a minor annoyance. I haven’t gotten sluggish in the afternoon. I think I’m getting enough calories, and my brain isn’t foggy. I know it has only been 3 days, but I feel like my body is doing what it’s supposed to do.
Also, I can drink coffee because I love it, and not gulp a ton of it down without tasting it because I need it to not fall asleep while driving to work. This is good all around.
I’m excited about taking my body back. I’m not perfect, and I’m trying hard to not curate a false online presence. I struggle and screw up. I forget things, and sometimes I’m shitty to people, but not as consistently as I am to myself. I deserve better. I know what I am capable of. I can do this.