I’m reading Stephen Pressfield’s “The War of Art”. I’ve skimmed it before, and read a handful of his other stuff, but haven’t dug into this one until now. One of the main themes of the book is countering resistance- the negative energy, or inertia, limiting beliefs of excuses which get in the way of getting stuff done. In one section about resistance and trouble, he says “We get ourselves in trouble because it’s a cheap way to get attention. Trouble is a faux form of fame.” He continues: “Ill health is a form of trouble, as are alcoholism and drug addiction, proneness to accidents, all neurosis including compulsive screwing-up, and such seemingly benign foibles as jealousy, chronic lateness, and the blasting of rap music at 110db from your smoked-glass ’95 Supra.”
“Proneness to accidents”? “Compulsive screwing-up”? Do you even know me?
Have I been clumsy my whole life because I’m undisciplined? I drop things and stuff when I’m by myself. I’ve always thought of it as wearing a body 2 sizes too big, which is why I’m always stubbing toes and bumping doorways.
I don’t know. This is something I have to process. It stung when I read it, which is not something I encounter often. I see myself in this description, and I want to do the work to fix it.
I am capable of being precise and graceful, but not as often as I would like. I want to live my life the best I can.
UPDATE: I wrote this post right before attending a mindfulness class. It was just what I needed. I still need to probe this proud flesh, though.