ABQ

We pulled in to Albuquerque late Sunday morning. That night, we had a brief storm after an amazing lightning show. Our furniture was delivered and internet connected on Monday. We’ve been unpacking and arranging and cleaning, and it’s starting to look like people live here.

It’s fantastic to sleep in my own bed again, after sharing an air mattress for a few weeks.

Here’s  the thing- we came here with a plan dream. I declared a do-over. We left steady employment in an okay place with AWESOME people for a place where I know only 1 person , without a job solidly lined up, and not a lot of options, but a great deal of hustle topped with a patina of wishes. We knew the way we were living our lives in Utah was unsustainable.

Tonight we sat on the deck, looking at the pastel Southwestern sunset. We listened to the wind gently rattle leaves, to doves cooing sonnets to each other, to crickets. We watched the crescent moon rise. Magic was all around us.

People often respond “living the dream” when asked “How are you?”

I am really living my dreams. In real life. For real.

I got offered the exact dollar amount I had in mind for what seems like The World’s Best Job.

My house/neighborhood is awesome.

There are bad things, to be sure, like grievances with the moving company, and the  oppressive heat which is making my hair do WEIRD things, and I think my truck is going to die soon, but I am content. I do not recall the last time things felt “right”.

I’m looking forward to meeting people, and carving out a routine, but I am grateful. I’m still not used to this- I am not used to nice things happening to me. I am used to being the purveyor of nice, or feeling stuck in the security line between circles of Hell.

We’ll continue to feather our nest and explore this strange city. I am truly astonished this is all coming together, after years of scheming and talking hypothetically through insomnia. We are building the rad lives we’ve wanted to live for a long time, and I’m stoked to the max.

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Changes and Challenges

Last night I read at an open mic. The others there were just starting to remember my name. It was fun, I thought I’d found my tribe. I told everyone I was moving, and the open mic was one of my favorite things about Utah. It felt like good closure, a sweet “see you later.”

I have a great deal of change on the horizon. This is a good thing, and mostly of my own design. I know change can produce stress and anxiety for me. My main challenges are:

1) Leaving the military after 15 years

2)Moving to another state/city (Albuquerque) where I don’t really know anyone

3) Entering the civilian workforce

4) Leaving the small but powerful support system taking root after living in Ogden for a year and a half

 

This is what a Do-Over looks like. I am changing costumes. I am abandoning nearly everything which is familiar.

I’m excited about the individual elements, but looking at it aggregated, it’s a bit much. There are some things I’ll need to be intentional about in order to have some semblance of stability during this tumultuous season:

1) Not neglecting myself- sleep, eat better, exercise

2) Stay connected with God

3) Find peer groups immediately (Especially Jiu Jitsu)

4) Don’t entertain negative thoughts

5) Most importantly, check in with myself so I don’t take my crap out on my family.

 

The next few months, especially the next few weeks are daunting, but I can do it, as long as I remain mindful to remain mindful. I’m a little scared, but my anticipation of my adventure is much stronger than my fear and anxiety. I can do this, and wether I could or not, it’s happening, and I’m grateful.